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Hey there my little Thai curry prawns, so how's life treating you padix at the moment?
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I always imagine "pre-temporada" for the best French padix and pre-temporada for the rest of us talented folk. In fact, that's perfect, because today I have the chance to write to you on the topic: How to know your padel level?
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As you'll have gathered, we've taken the best elements to help you find your place and realize, with clear eyes, that you're rubbish anyway, just on different scales.
Indeed, you all know this reference chart created by the biggest French clubs ranging from 1 to 10, which allows you to arrange your matches effectively according to the great, the one and only, Padel Magazine.
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In reality, it's a completely different story... Indeed, how can we say we aren't level 2 when level 1 merely asks for an interest in the rules... It's well known, my stuffed mushrooms, that whenever you show up somewhere to try a new sport, you haven't looked anything up beforehand. 🤦♂️
Could the supreme elite who designed this chart be taking us for fools? I grant you that.
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Then comes the issue of level 5: indeed, like 95% of new players you fell in love with padel, so you play at least once a week and remember that a level 5 must play at least once a week. In your head it's absolute euphoria, but what happened to the double-glass wall defence mentioned just below... No, you're still playing level 3, another flaw in the system.
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Finally, there's the level 7-10 community—go figure, the upper class of padel. One day a bloke decided that on WhatsApp a level 7 is just as good as a level 10, and the padix loves this category, so he comes to see you almost every week to understand why he's still in the 4-6 group when he's just bought a Wilson Bela Pro at 350 quid to blast them away, a classic in short.
No, gentlemen, forget that chart. I'm going to bring you a bit more clarity to serve as a benchmark for arranging your future matches, featuring: The Padix Scale.
9 levels for the average player and one goal: reach the 10th to join the all-time greats!
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Level 1-2: The Tennis Player
Always arrives with his bag and his tennis balls.
Certain he knows the rules, which is why he only ever brings one person to each match.
Thinks €6 for a can of balls Head Padel Pro it's on the edge, so you might as well buy Tretorn balls for €8.
Never goes anywhere near the changing rooms or the bar.
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Level 3: The Sunday Player
The champion's outfit, fully coordinated with the top racket (like below, for example).
Never uses the glass because "it's useless".
Never play without your Siux vibration dampener It gives control for baduf volleys.
One match = One keg.
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Level 4: The Regular
Has decided he was left-side player without knowing why.
Starts entering P25 tournaments and understanding that taking part is what counts.
Has the smash of a 10-year-old despite the power of his racket (like below, for example).
Always grooms himself coming out of the changing rooms, you never know, lightning might strike.
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Level 5: The Nice Guy
Accepts every club match and any tournament partner.
Only plays neutral shots so as not to take sides.
Can play left or right, but prefers the middle not to upset anyone
Only drinks shandies.
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Level 6: The Big Head
Total contempt for lower levels, yet loves playing with them.
Got through one tour in a P500 thanks to a lucky mishit on match point and talks about it 24/7.
Masters every padel shot, well that's what he thinks.
Loves having drinks bought for him, but nothing less than a pint because he deserves it
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Level 7: The Ambassador
Only talks to his own kind because he IS padel.
Sharp, seeds are his friends, and he's all for gluten-free (without knowing why, but it's trendy).
Loves sharing his life on social media, sponsored by great local companies with 2 employees, and even in bed he wears his sponsor #cheapskate.
He is a "top top" guy for the Spaniards who realised he would always be bad, but 20k a year is hard to turn down.
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Level 8: The Padix
Has Bela's touch with Carlos's fitness.
Hits one "por tres" a year but only plays on the left.
Loves banter after getting bagelled 6-0.
Has the elegance of a Chicandier the moment he reaches the bar.
So there you have it, you now have a real idea of your intrinsic worth with a racket in hand. I know reality bites, but you'll see: once you reach level 8, it's pure bliss.
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Ladies, I haven't forgotten you, you're all brighter than the sun: perfection, elegance, class...
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Level 9-10 (feel free to contact me via the esprit padel shop form, I'm a bit like the Jean-Claude Dusse of the game)
My little sausage rolls, I wish you great matches, a quick return to the joy of sharing moments of sheer brilliance, and above all, taking some proper beatings, but always with your heads held high.
Can't wait to see you at the bar (on court I don't have time, I'm out of your league). Until then, see you soon for another offbeat topic if Joffrey the "butcher" lets me...
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Charles Alexandre, first tour aficionado in the Lyon area
